Results Day

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resultsSo today was GCSE results day for many including my first born.  It has been full of mixed emotions to say the least.  I didn’t really know what to expect when he opened his envelope, and I’m not sure if he did either.  O’s facial expressions are hard to read at the best of times, a typical ASD trait and he is pretty positive and optimistic about everything, even when things haven’t gone according to plan sometimes.

O isn’t academic and I didn’t want for A*’s.  What I did want was for him to do his best and get some results for his confidence and self esteem, and know he is as good as anybody else he stands next to. It can be hard to do when you have a diagnosed label and statement in education, where support is a constant fight and struggle when you appear to be ok and ‘making progress’.

O got some GCSE’s, something I didn’t know if it was possible 14yrs ago.  I spent a lot of today going to the loo to hide my tears that kept pouring out.  Some from relief, some from pride, a lot from flash backs of the last 16yrs.  God, motherhood is hard sometimes.  Emotionally exhausting, lonely, rewarding, full of love and the best thing I have ever done, warts and all (and there are a lot of those).

The rest of the day has been lunching out and treats.

He has what he needs to go to the college he chose for the next 3yrs.  I’m not sure what his best is or could have been, all I know is that he got what he needed and I’m proud and happy for him.  I hope he feels that way too.

High 5 and all the love for my O x